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My last post was all about my need for solitude and yet I spent last weekend in the bosom of a crowd of people with barely five minutes alone. I had a really, really good time.
My friend brought us all together. She has three children, 11, 13 and 18, and an event shelter. All three children invited friends, my friend invited her friends and so there we all were, four days camping in a field together, 17 of us ranging in age from 11 to 54, half of us strangers before the weekend.
The weekend relaxed all my inhibitions or maybe I had to relax all my inhibitions in order to embrace the experience of the weekend, I am not sure which came first.
Being with so many young people brought me to realise and accept where I am, i.e. no longer what anyone would call young. At the same time I realised that in some ways I am still the same, my brain hasn’t changed that much, it’s just that I lived through it. In having lived through it perhaps older people send the message to the young that they can live through it too. We didn’t sit giving advice, but just being a person who is older and who has survived, maybe gives a reassuring vibe. These realisations enhanced and strengthened my sense of self.
I had a role, something like: cook, feeder, mum, healer. I felt held in place, but I didn’t once feel like I was putting on an act, making up a role or being anything other than totally myself.
As a healer, the whole weekend was profoundly instructive. Healers need to learn how to heal themselves as well as learning how to heal others. I drove straight from work and was totally and utterly relaxed within a few hours. I lost track of time on day one. Being outdoors in the fresh air for four days felt good. I spent whole days with frizzy hair and no makeup and I felt just fine.
I healed myself of regrets and envy and of getting older. I saw myself concretely reflected by a big group, as having a place, a role and a value. I enjoyed having the company of women.
One of the women taught me a kidney cleansing healing (place left hand on top of head, right hand on kidney and feel the kidney spin, she didn’t know that my husband has had some kidney problems). She told me about bringing up phlegm and that it is okay to vomit during healing (useful as the next day someone I gave healing to was sick during it).
I practiced healing on four people and I learned how to end it (say, ‘blessings to (person’s name)’, the answer comes back, ‘they are blessed’, or, ‘you haven’t finished yet’, in which case, do a bit more, on shoulders, sending it everywhere, or go over the chakras again). I learned how to do grounding (after doing all the chakras, place a hand on the ground beside their feet and another hand of the back of their neck and feel them being ‘earthed’). I learned how to have a conversation with myself and with the other person to ensure I wasn’t pushing them toward a spiritual emergence that they were not ready for (it’s easy to feel evangelical when I have found such personal happiness and want others to share it, especially as I have seen them be sad and think that I can see an opportunity for them to be happier, but people must do things their own way. I thought all this and I said it aloud too). I learned to think about and focus a bit more on the third eye, or brow chakra, as this person was in the middle of thinking ahead and planning for a big decision and event; afterwards she said she had seen an eye, and lots of light.
Healing at a festival was great because I felt super relaxed and in great condition and there was probably lots of positive and healing energy around, from the other people and from the healing area. I went to gong therapy (more next time). I did a bit of drinking, being silly and tipsy in the rain with lots of fun and laughter. I was in my element, happy, relaxed, having a good time.

Standing quietly listening to a band in the music tent, thinking over my last big problem, a fairly mild but definitely present OCD. The conclusion to this music induced thinking session: 1) Resist the compulsions, 2) Relax, 3) If I can’t do it on my own, get help (from husband, a book, or a service).
Since I’ve got home I have gone up to bed first and left my husband to switch everything off. He realises what I am doing and has been supportive in a gently humorous way, perfectly pitched to help me.

It was profoundly healing to be liked and accepted by lots of people and to feel the same about all of them. I made sure I said thank you to my friend. I told her how grateful I was to her for bringing us all together and for allowing me to share her life, because that’s what we do, we share our lives with each other, because you can’t create everything yourself.