So simple, so amazing: a journey into awareness
Chapter 9: Therapeutic writing
- To find what is interesting about my life, past and present
- To add interest and purpose to my life via the writing of it
- To see patterns or a purpose via the process of reflection, noticing and writing
- To work out solutions or
- To document solutions/changes/resolutions as they occur and develop
- To overcome depression and anxiety
- To make peace with the past
I am increasing realising that it takes lateral thinking to interpret the signs from the universe. My mum gave me a children’s book she had found when moving house. She said, you liked this, I mean you really liked it, that’s why I am asking you if you want it. So I took it and read it and tried to remember it, but I just couldn’t. But a year later I realise, it wasn’t about remembering the book, it was the message I needed to remember. The book was about doing drawings that came to life, drawings that came true… So it was about me being reminded that the act of writing can influence the future, like magic, writing literally spells for me.
If there’s nothing I want to change and nothing I need help with, or if I’m simply integrating new insights, growth and awareness, then I won’t be writing. I will go in and out of writing and day to day life. Like going underneath the water to look at the fish, and up again to breathe and feel the sun on my face.
It’s a science experiment, it’s a memoir, its personal therapy, and for others, maybe it’s at least validating if not actual self help…
…Take a fearless moral inventory, as they say in AA. I am such a shameless student that I even looked up online to see if there is a template you can download for doing this.* But all I really need is this, my fingers tapping on my keyboard…
*There is, of course
Orlando: The writing, the looking, the process of writing, leads to something else, and it is the something else that it is all about.
The tingly feeling when you feel like you are writing your life into existence, or delving into your subconscious: It’s all about the present moment- although that is fleeting. Past, present and future all exist at the same time and the ‘aim’ if there is one, is to integrate them into a whole. Into the present moment (I accidentally wrote, integrate them in the present moment, which is also true).
Ok, so this is how the magic happens: At the end of a piece about the past, I intend to type the word boring but mistype it. (After all these years I’ve never gotten good at typing and I think too fast for my fingers so that when I pause for breath every paragraph is littered with red lines.) I click on the misspelt boring and the word ‘bemiring’ comes up. I didn’t know what it meant so I looked it up on the online dictionary- and it wasn’t there. Just as had happened before (documented in my previous book). But just as had happened before, the ‘word of the day’ on the dictionary home page was something significant- sticking out in bright red this time: Goth*. Just as I’d been back in the past. Reminding me that it’s the Fairytale Past. It has no more relevance than if it had never existed. I am so far away from someone who sits around thinking about the end of the world and death (not in a gloomy kind of way anyway). Teaching me that funny spell checks and the word of the day are spells that work for me. As I write this my fingers are tingling, they are writing by themselves, my eyes are pricking, the inside of my nose is tingling.
And lastly, and most importantly: if I hadn’t stopped writing, I wouldn’t have been able to write this.
*goth: a type of rock music that often has words expressing ideas about death or the end of the world