This is a thank you letter to, or rather about, my ‘awareness advisor.’ I don’t like the word spiritual and she probably doesn’t like the word guru so that phrase will have to do.
My husband introduced me to her in April of this year. Out of all the different people he came across, she was the one who resonated with him. I liked the fact that she is a woman and that he had chosen a woman. I also liked the fact that she was older, as I am in my forties and my husband is in his fifties.
Basically she imparts information. Some of what she says is easy to hear, reflecting back to us what we already know or believe. Some of what she says encourages us to go a little bit further, or to fully commit to things that we had been circling around for a while e.g. going vegan.
Some of what she has said has been very challenging; I had to have a break from her for a while because I got frightened. But mostly, she is straightforwardly neutral and at times warmly encouraging and helps me to stay focussed on ‘the path.’
One of the things she has said is don’t look back, with the exception of allowing yourself an occasional brief glance just to remind yourself how far you’ve come.
I remember back to when we first started listening to her, first started dreaming, allowing ourselves to entertain the bare imaginings of our best life yet. We rolled around the idea of selling the house, buying a camper van and travelling the world or going to live in a healing centre in Mexico.
I remember it was a weekend morning, I was standing in the hallway between the bedroom and the bathroom. John was in bed. John said, what kind of people would we have to be to sell the house and just leave everything and everyone and go off on an adventure? Strong, I said, we’d be so f***ing strong. Electricity ran up the length of my spine when I said that. Wow, John said, I just felt a tingle all over my body.
Now here we are: the house is on the market, people have already been to view it. We have put a deposit on a narrowboat, the vendor will very kindly wait for us to sell the house and then look after it while we are travelling South East Asia. We have told family, friends and work. We have found a lovely home for the cats.
Written out like that it all looks so easy and straightforward. Yet it felt so hard to do at the time, I suppose it must be all the conditioning.
Tomorrow I am having my final laser treatment to get rid of my old tattoo. I suppose that’s as good a metaphor as any.