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THAILAND PART THREE (Draft chapter for book) 

My husband said, ‘Oh by the way, J said she’ll deal with any spiders we have.’ ‘That’s great,’ I said, ‘Yep, I’m okay with them,’ J said.

The first night we went out and drank. Many years ago I used to drink to excess to try and ‘get somewhere,’ into some alternate reality where everyone was really themselves and we all connected. It took me a long time to realise that alcohol doesn’t really raise consciousness; in fact it was a long time before I was even interested in raising my consciousness or knew what it meant. Now, even if I am a bit drunk, there’s a bit of me looking down, outside of it all asking, ‘What are you doing this for?’

Earlier on we ate dinner at one of the places in town that did 24 hour breakfasts for party goers. It was the night of the Full Moon Party and there were lots of people wearing what looked like a fancy dress uniform of white t shirts with UV paint splashes.

The loo was upstairs, up a flight of steep steps, each step was really high, it was something we noticed a lot in Thailand, how high the individual steps were, like giant’s steps. Opposite, across the alley was a row of touristy fast food places. Above one of them was someone’s home with washing hung out on hangers, the way I’d seen when we first arrived in Bangkok.

We had to buy party tickets to go onto the beach, we were early, most people don’t go until midnight, but we were just taking a look. On the beach, J walked along picking up rubbish, she picked up a plastic cup at the edge of the sea. ‘I can’t help it,’ she said, ‘I think, What if a fish got stuck in it… But then I eat fish, so…’ We both laughed. All the bars had different DJs and along the beach were different sound systems. We picked the best one, J went off to dance and my husband and I sat on the sand.

He said, if we can get any, do you want to take some MDMA? Me being me, I anxiously discussed all the risks. I really am the least cool person to do drug deals with, as I said before I like taking drugs sometimes, but I don’t like to get involved with the getting of them. A Thai man approached us and offered us some Ecstasy, we let him go. The three of us went off the beach, to a bar in a side street that was quieter. J texted her friend who had spent a lot of time on the islands for advice; they messaged back, deal with Westerners only. A likely person appeared, J approached them- she being younger and cooler looking than us. J did the deal and we left. We got home safely, just as most people were starting to go out. J and my husband tried a little bit of the MDMA but it made J feel sick on top of all the cocktails, and we put it away for another time.

We had breakfast at the 24 hour breakfast place, which did healthy food as well, oat and almond milk smoothies and big smoothie bowls of ice cold pureed spinach and fruit, too much to eat.

We ate dinner at a local place. J and I were bothered by them playing a horror movie, even if we didn’t look at the screen we could hear the screaming… ‘Well we could try to ignore it, or I could ask them to turn it off,’ I said. A group of women at the next table were also talking about how they hated horror films. ‘Or we could just leave,’ my husband said, so we did- we had finished our meal. It was a good metaphor for dealing with people or situations that upset your equilibrium, you can work on accepting it or on trying to change them, or you can just… leave.

One evening we’d eaten at the on site restaurant, on returning to our room I decided to stay outside for a few moments. I sat on the bench outside the room and ate some little lychee type fruits. J and my husband went inside. A few minutes later there was a shout or a scream. J came out, ‘F***ing hell, that’s huge,’ she said, shaking, ‘Is that what you’ve had to deal with?’ ‘I haven’t even seen it yet,’ my husband called out. ‘Oh yes, now I have…’ He came out a few minutes later. ‘I thought you said you were good with spiders? ‘Yes, normal ones, not ones that big!’ J said.

My husband had found a place for us all to go and look at. It was away from the party bit and more in a normal town. We got a taxi there. There were no rickshaws on the island, only big four by four jeeps that were expensive. We got dropped off in town and walked to the place.

It was perfect, with a simple, quiet bar-restaurant, with decking and floor cushions, grassy grounds with palm trees, right on the beach. The accommodation was little chalet bungalows, we could have two next door to each other. It was the perfect setting for taking the MDMA. We paid a deposit and stopped and had a drink, excited to be moving soon.

On the way back I, who isn’t always that good with directions, said, ‘Look out J, I think this is the monkey place,’ two seconds later, and there they were, a group of three monkeys, for J! Earlier I had manifested scrap paper when I needed it, although that isn’t quite as exciting as monkeys.

One evening we walked along the beach towards town, beside a resort, and heard an incredible noise. We wondered what it was. Ciccadas? Someone learning to play the didgeridoo- very badly? A man was in the grounds, so I asked him. He said a word we couldn’t catch, then spelled it out f-r-o-g. ‘Oh, frog! How many, many frogs?’ ‘No, maybe three or four. I show you,’ he said. We followed him up some steps, the sound stopped immediately. He shone a light and beckoned us to look. A little brown and white frog sat looking at us under the light. It seemed incredible that just four or five of those little creatures could make that much noise. ‘Not for eating,’ he said, ‘Not dangerous, but not for eating.’ We reassured him we had no intention of eating them, thanked him and went on our way.

One evening playing pool we heard another strange noise, it turned out to be a big gecko that lived outside on the back wall of the restaurant. She spent most of her time behind a sign, we just saw the tip of her tail and nose. ‘She is the mother’, the staff told us. It was only in Thailand that I realised they make a sound like Gek-oh, gek-oh. We saw lots of little ones around, like the house lizards we had seen in India.

On our last evening in Haad Rin, I went for a little walk by myself on the beach. The sea was unbelievably still, exactly like a lake. The colours of the surface, milky opal green, mauve-blue, looked like oil or glass. Above the sea, a sunset and at the shore, a little red boat. It was picture perfect paradise but it lacked the emotion of India.

Later we went to the party beach for the last time. J and I had our Tarot cards read. My husband had had his done the week before. The tarot man looked cool, with a thin curled moustache, sat cross legged on a blanket on the sand.

He turned over the first card. His face broke into a smile and he looked at me. ‘Ahh, sexy lady! Sexy when sleeping, sexy when wake up, sexy walking down the street. Everyone loves you.’ He turned over another card. ‘Good family, man loves you. You love everyone.’ He looked at my hands. ‘You are strong!’ He exclaimed. ‘You look after everyone.’ Another card. ‘You make money, September, October, November.’ Another card. ‘You worry about a young one. Okay, everything okay.’ Another card. ‘You the boss, work, home. You do stuff. Another card. ‘You like to cook? At work? You could do, for money.’ Another card. ‘Look after your heart, and your blood. Smoking not good for you. Bad air, sleeping, working, dirty air, not good for you. Potatoes good, cool, warm.’

I’d just eaten potatoes and actually commented, ‘Very grounding.’ Potatoes, in fact any vegetables that grow below ground, are meant to help ground you if you feel your spiritual awakening/frequency rising is going a bit fast. Conversely, if you want to speed up the process, the advice is to only eat vegetables that grow above ground. Sounds crazy, but in the midst of such an experience, in the absence of any advice from elsewhere, I’ll take it, and because I believe it works, it works for me.

In the taxi, almost at our new place, my husband said, ‘There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I forgot the MDMA.’ He almost went back, but we decided it wasn’t worth the risk that they’d already found it, even though he was sure they wouldn’t have done as it was hidden well out of sight on top of the very high wardrobe and right at the back where it could potentially stay undiscovered for months.

We wished we could have put it on social media as it was in the party area, the whole complex was full of party goers, no kids or families, we wished we could tell people, stay at xxxx make sure you get room xx. But we couldn’t, so we had fun imagining people who had been desperate to get some but been unable to getting a very nice surprise, or people on it and wanting more thinking they’d conjured it!

Personal request
On Monday my son has major dental surgery scheduled, followed by recovery and then implants work to be scheduled. Those of you who have been here for a long time/read old posts or who know me face to face will know that this has long been a source of great anxiety and heartbreak for me, let alone for him. If anyone feels inclined to send good vibes, kind thoughts, include him in your prayers, spells or healing thoughts, from Monday and anytime afterwards, that would be gratefully appreciated. His name is Siris. Thank you xxxx

Travel update
Back in India. Tokyo to Kolkata was quite an adjustment, after six plus weeks out of India. Kolkata is really something else, for pics see my husband’s Instagram travelswithanthony
But after three nights in Kolkata and one overnight train journey to Varanasi, I am back in India and back in love. Not to mention reuniting with my husband after the longest we’ve spent apart in seven years. Altogether now…

Writing update
What with all the travelling I haven’t managed to do very much, just the short piece posted today, as well as some typing up of Tokyo notes. I am also writing notes on Kolkata, the journey, and Varanasi, by hand in my notebook, for later.

PS If you have Netflix, here’s a recommendation: BoJack Horseman

Thank you very much for reading

See you next week